Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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