The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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