I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
