I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
