I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
