The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
