I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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