I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My dick has a subreddit
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
