I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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