Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
