Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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