I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
