he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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