just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
