im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
