I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
