There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
