Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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