I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
