32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Randomize
