so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
