He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
