hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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