Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
