You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
they're like a gay fantastic four
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't turn off my feet"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
