You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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