a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
