im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
