im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
