all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
