Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
