i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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