If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
