he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
