After last night, I could never be a politician.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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