Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
