Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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