If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
