I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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