Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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