his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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