R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
