Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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