She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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