I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
