don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
