grandma shit on top of the toilet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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