I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
