My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
