Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
