it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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