im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
